Broken. That is how I feel today. Completely, utterly, literally....broken. I really think I am missing the romantic relationship gene. I don't know how else to explain it. Yes, I can make an argument that I am single because I am picky and I refuse to settle. And I am really proud of myself that I never married the wrong person and that I am not one of those women who can't be alone. But that doesn't make it any easier when that stupid voice in my head keeps telling me that there is something wrong with me, something completely unlovable about me. I can usually subdue it with some rational thinking, a good run or a bottle of wine. But it just wouldn't quit this weekend. Maybe it's hormones. I don't know. But I have freakin had it! I am not perfect by any means, but I have a tremendous amount of love to give. Genuine love. I don't get it. How can it be that I can't find even one person who wants a partner like me? I don't believe in one true love. There are lots of people who could be together at the right time and under the right circumstances. So am I just horribly unlucky that I have never had the right person at the right time and place or is there something inherently wrong with me?
Usually I think, it's just luck. I've had long term relationships that just didn't work out. And I swear, their demise has rarely been my fault. The guy usually starts acting like an ass (I assume because he wants out-God forbid he would actually talk to me about his feelings like a normal human being) and that's why we argue and things go to hell. Not because I did anything different or changed in any way. And then when it's all said and done and the relationship is over.....they always want to come back. Always, without fail. I have never dated anyone (even casually) that didn't try to come back in some way. They usually want to get back together, sometimes they just want to be my best friend. But they always come back! If I am so fucking awesome that you must be a part of my life, then why did you run in the first place? Seriously, I don't get it. I give up!
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