I am the biggest loser!

Well first off, I am officially back to the weight I was almost 3 years ago, when I began my last relationship.  Woo hoo!  I have worked so hard to get back here.  I still have 20-25 lbs to lose, but I feel amazing.  So, that makes me a big loser....lol.  I am also a big loser because I didn't go on my date on Monday.  I totally blew it off.  I don't know why.  Actually I do.....I just wasn't feeling it.  By the time Monday rolled around, I wasn't looking forward to it, wasn't excited about it.  And honestly, it had been such a busy weekend I really just wanted a day to myself.  But then by the next day I totally regretted it.  Oh well.  Nothing I can do about it now. 
Anyway, I still haven't had any luck with Eharmony or Match.com, but I get messages everyday from PlentyOfFish.  There are a couple of guys that I am communicating with that appear to be promising.  Right now, today, I would be really excited for a date with any of them.....but who knows, I may change my mind by the time we actually make plans....lol.  I think I am just tired of dating and want someone to just be in my life.  I really don't mind being single, but life is much more fulfilling if you have someone to share it with......and dating is fucking exhausting.  I no longer get the rush I used to from getting to know someone new.   I know I have to kiss some frogs before I can find my prince...blah, blah, blah.  But I would rather just blink my eyes (I Dream of Jeanie style) and have someone in front of me.  And I do mean actually share this time.  I learned so much about myself from my last relationship.  I was so selfish.  Not in the typical way, I mean I was sweet and did the usual romantic stuff....cards, back rubs, presents for no reason, etc.  But I was selfish in that I wouldn't let the guy just be himself.  I wanted him to be something he was not.  And the more I pushed for him to fit into the mold I  had in mind, the more he resisted and rebelled.  So in the end it appeared we had absolutely nothing in common and no solid ground to stand on, which is so unfortunate because there was so much about him that I loved.  Was it enough to build something meaningful from?  If we had just enjoyed each other and spent time building a friendship first would it have turned out differently?  Hell, I don't know.  But I am thankful for the experience, because I grew as a person and will be a better mate for the next person because of it.