Blogging while hormonal......read at your own risk!

WARNING: I have the Monday blahs and I'm feeling a little down and I'm not afraid to share!

Broken.  That is how I feel today.  Completely, utterly, literally....broken.  I really think I am missing the romantic relationship gene.  I don't know how else to explain it.  Yes, I can make an argument that I am single because I am picky and I refuse to settle.  And I am really proud of myself that I never married the wrong person and that I am not one of those women who can't be alone.  But that doesn't make it any easier when that stupid voice in my head keeps telling me that there is something wrong with me, something completely unlovable about me.  I can usually subdue it with some rational thinking, a good run or a bottle of wine.  But it just wouldn't quit this weekend.  Maybe it's hormones.  I don't know.  But I have freakin had it!  I am not perfect by any means, but I have a tremendous amount of love to give.  Genuine love.  I don't get it.  How can it be that I can't find even one person who wants a partner like me?  I don't believe in one true love.  There are lots of people who could be together at the right time and under the right circumstances.  So am I just horribly unlucky that I have never had the right person at the right time and place or is there something inherently wrong with me?
Usually I think, it's just luck.  I've had long term relationships that just didn't work out.  And I swear, their demise has rarely been my fault.  The guy usually starts acting like an ass (I assume because he wants out-God forbid he would actually talk to me about his feelings like a normal human being) and that's why we argue and things go to hell.  Not because I did anything different or changed in any way.  And then when it's all said and done and the relationship is over.....they always want to come back.  Always, without fail.  I have never dated anyone (even casually) that didn't try to come back in some way.  They usually want to get back together, sometimes they just want to be my best friend.  But they always come back!  If I am so fucking awesome that you must be a part of my life, then why did you run in the first place?  Seriously, I don't get it.   I give up!

Boning is for the dogs!

There is this guy that lives in my apartment complex that I went on a date with last year.  A mutual friend set us up and we had lunch.  There was absolutely no spark, no connection, but he seemed like a nice enough guy.  I haven't had any communication with him since that one date until I ran into him a few weeks ago when I moved into my apartment.  I had no clue that he lived here.  I said "Hi" a few times when we would pass each other walking our dogs and he just looked at me like I was crazy.  I finally came face to face with him coming out of the gym one evening.  He acknowledged me and apologized for not recognizing me before.  Yeh, whatever.  But he did comment that I looked different....yep losing 40 lbs will do that!  Lol.  Anyway, I mentioned getting our dogs together to play and he nodded in agreement and we went our separate ways.  I've seen the guy at least a dozen times since then and every time he just gets more and more weird.  He will not even look my direction now, must less speak to me.  What the hell is wrong with people?  I have absolutely NO interest in this guy and have given him no reason to think otherwise.  I have just been friendly, normal friendly.  But he acts like he is trying to avoid me, as not to give me the wrong impression.  Please!  I was just glad that I knew someone else in the complex.  I thought it would be great to have a friend/acquaintance nearby.  Hell, since we both have dogs I figured it would be nice if we could help each other out in an emergency...you know if someone couldn't get home and the dog needs to go out, etc.  Or if I need something heavy carried upstairs....lol.   So, this morning I was walking my dog Joey, and of course he was out doing the same.  I smiled and said "Hi", like I always do (I insist on taking the high road).  He ignored me, like he always does.  But when his dog saw Joey, it started barking and carrying on like crazy. Apparently his dog is as spastic as he is! He gave me the dirtiest look, like it was my freakin' fault.   Of course my little Joey didn't even bark......hahahahahaha.  Take that weirdo!  Seriously.....just because I smile and speak to you doesn't mean I want to bone you!  Get a life!!!!

The reincarnation of Captain Fat!

OMG, I just got off the phone after a 2 hour convo with a guy I met on PlentyOfFish.  We didn't even cover the usual topics....job, siblings, music, movies.  We totally clicked and talked about the most random things.  I haven't been this excited about someone in a really, really long time.  Dare I say it? No, I shouldn't.  But I must!  He reminds me of Conley!  Ok, it's out there.  And no, the bottle of wine I drank while we were talking and the bourbon I'm having now have nothing to do with it.  Geez, it has been a long, long time since I've compared anyone to him.  Do I dare even go there?  Oh yes, I dare!  Captain Fat just may have a rival.....at least until my buzz wears off.  :-)

I'M NOT A COWBAY....or a COWBOY for that matter!

I got a message from a guy on PlentyOfFish.com and all it said was "you sooooo sexy".
Not very original, but I looked at the guys profile anyway.  I have pasted his ABOUT ME section below:

I BEEN LOOKING FOR A WOMAN SO WE CAN GET IT ON.NO MATTER HOW I TRY IM ALL WAYS ALONE I WAS THANKING THAT MAYBE THIS WEB SITE CAN SAVE ME..but i guss they just took my money I NEED TO FINE SOME ONE WHO UNDER STANDS THAT IM NOT A WOMAN!!! AND IM NOT LOOKING FOR A MAN !! NO IM NOT A COWBAY OUT FOR A ONE NIGHT STAND SOOO PLEASE E-MAIL IF YOUR NOT A MAN!!!!!!!!

I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.  Bahahahahahahaha!

I am the biggest loser!

Well first off, I am officially back to the weight I was almost 3 years ago, when I began my last relationship.  Woo hoo!  I have worked so hard to get back here.  I still have 20-25 lbs to lose, but I feel amazing.  So, that makes me a big loser....lol.  I am also a big loser because I didn't go on my date on Monday.  I totally blew it off.  I don't know why.  Actually I do.....I just wasn't feeling it.  By the time Monday rolled around, I wasn't looking forward to it, wasn't excited about it.  And honestly, it had been such a busy weekend I really just wanted a day to myself.  But then by the next day I totally regretted it.  Oh well.  Nothing I can do about it now. 
Anyway, I still haven't had any luck with Eharmony or Match.com, but I get messages everyday from PlentyOfFish.  There are a couple of guys that I am communicating with that appear to be promising.  Right now, today, I would be really excited for a date with any of them.....but who knows, I may change my mind by the time we actually make plans....lol.  I think I am just tired of dating and want someone to just be in my life.  I really don't mind being single, but life is much more fulfilling if you have someone to share it with......and dating is fucking exhausting.  I no longer get the rush I used to from getting to know someone new.   I know I have to kiss some frogs before I can find my prince...blah, blah, blah.  But I would rather just blink my eyes (I Dream of Jeanie style) and have someone in front of me.  And I do mean actually share this time.  I learned so much about myself from my last relationship.  I was so selfish.  Not in the typical way, I mean I was sweet and did the usual romantic stuff....cards, back rubs, presents for no reason, etc.  But I was selfish in that I wouldn't let the guy just be himself.  I wanted him to be something he was not.  And the more I pushed for him to fit into the mold I  had in mind, the more he resisted and rebelled.  So in the end it appeared we had absolutely nothing in common and no solid ground to stand on, which is so unfortunate because there was so much about him that I loved.  Was it enough to build something meaningful from?  If we had just enjoyed each other and spent time building a friendship first would it have turned out differently?  Hell, I don't know.  But I am thankful for the experience, because I grew as a person and will be a better mate for the next person because of it.

Picky eaters need not apply!

Well, I have my first date....thanks to Plenty Of Fish!  He's 43, former marine, stocky.  Definitely my type of guy from first impressions.  He seems really nice.  But hell, they all do in the beginning.  There is one issue though.  He told me he is a very picky eater.  Ugh!  I had an experience with a picky eater a few years ago and it ultimately ended our relationship.  Seriously.  I had no idea that it would have the effect that it did.  The guy would only eat meat and cheese.  That's it.  No fruits, veggies or condiments of any kind, ever.  At first I thought fine, no big deal.  But it interfered with nearly everything we did.  Correction....HE LET IT interfere.  Everything we did had to revolve around his pickyness.  He refused to just go with the flow and make accommodations for himself because of his weird hang ups about food.  Instead he expected everyone else to make accommodations for him and to jump through hoops and cater to him.  It was ridiculous.  I took the guy to NYC with me and he pouted and moped around the whole time because we went to places where he said he couldn't find anything to eat.  He would sit through dinner with a scowl on his face then go to Subway.  You are in freakin' New York City and you are eating at Subway????  Give me a fucking break!  Turns out the guy had some pretty weird fetishes too.  Hahahahahaha!  I found out about a year after we broke up that he had a myspace page under the name of Lactation Lover.  Oh yeh, you read that correctly.  Apparently, from what I could gather, he wanted to meet up with women who were lactating.  I guess cheese wasn't the only dairy product he enjoyed after all.  Gross!!!
So, the date with the Marine is on Monday.  Dinner and a movie.  Should be interesting......at the least the dinner part.  Ha!  ;-)

Blogging while single....very similar to driving while intoxicated

So I had an epiphany this week.  As I was looking at my matches on both of the dating sites that I signed up for I remembered my ex telling me about a different site that he uses.  He and I recently spent some time together and talked about our failed relationship and the kind of people we are dating now and we had some brandy and well, you know.....but that's a whole different blog....lol.  Actually this is supposed to be a  "no holds barred" account of my dating life so I guess I should cough up the gory details on that situation.....but I'll save that story for another day.  Anyway, I decided to sign up for yet a 3rd dating site.  This is my summer plan.  From now until the end of August I will keep a membership to all 3 sites.  Eharmony picks matches for you, I will pick my own from Match.com and on PlentyOfFish.com I will only communicate with men that contact me first.  Ingenious, I know.  What has really intrigued me so far is that I keep seeing some of the same faces over and over again.  So my question is, are these guys so horribly desperate that they feel they need to have multiple profiles, are they really tyring all avenues to find love or are they conducting a social experiment like myself?  I guess we will see. 
I am currently communicating with 2 men on eharmony.  Most of the matches I get from that site are in Columbus or Lexington.  I don't have a problem with that, I mean they're both only about 2 hours away.  But I think that is a problem with using the Internet in this area, there just isn't a large pool of men within a 60 mile radius.  Well, that is after you discount all the rednecks and the ones with tattoos on their neck and/or face.  Don't get me wrong, I don't mind tattoos.  They can be pretty damn sexy in the right place...but not on your face, hands, neck....I mean come on.  You are not in prison, well at least not at the moment. 
I sent lots of "winks" on match, but haven't had much response.  I think I will broaden my radius a little.  I will set it at the same distance as eharmony.  And I also need to be a little more open minded.  This is supposed to be an experiment to open up my eyes to different types of men.  So, I need to contact some guys that I normally wouldn't be attracted to.  It's hard for me to step out of my comfort zone.  But for the sake of science, and material for my blog (and maybe a book someday) I will forge ahead.
Now, PlentyOfFish is completely different ballgame.  It's kind of like a dollar store version of the other 2 sites.  The pool of men is much larger.  But I also think the pool of nut job losers is much larger.  It's not nearly as detailed as the other two.  There are only a few bullet points on the profiles.  Two of which are "Do you have a car?" and "Do you have a job?"  Seriously.....that cracks me up.  I mean, are there really men who aren't employed and don't have a vehicle that are trying to date?  I guess you don't really know someones situation, but come on! "You got to have a a J-O-B if you wanna be with me!"  Sing it with me ladies!!!! 
So now I'm just waiting for some actual dates.  Normally I would get nervous thinking about meeting new people and all the awkwardness of first dates.....but with a different goal in mind, it's a little different.  :-)